Harrop, Graham

"Ed, you're on next.Break a leg!" "What?" "Do you know what that would mean? A ten hour wait in an emergency room!" "Yeah, right. And traffic getting there would be horrendous!" "If we're not busted [...]

Our country "Normally, you wouldn't have enough points to enter Canada, but having made your own passport, you qualify for our 'entrepreneur' program ..."

British Columbia suddenly becomes a have-not province. "Premier Campbell - you have led us down the road to RUIN!" "Have not!" "Have not!" "Have not!"

Not expected to be re-instated anytime soon. Webster's UNFARE

"We've got to cut down on expenses ..."

Up until that moment, the 'Martin camp' had been a vague, indefinate idea in the the Prime Minister's mind. "There's 22 tents set up in your outer office."

"... But the best thing about the B.C. government not having a heart ..." "... Won't ever need surgery."

Homemaker's with far too little time. "Hot dog ... bowl of chowder and those left-overs from last night ... got it."

Haven't got $10,000 to shmooze with a key cabinet minister? Here's what far, far less sums will get you... $100 Lunch with the premier. Must provide own waiter's uniform. $75 Conversation with Stan [...]

Poll Martin "All I'm saying is: if I ran for Prime Minister would either one of you vote for me?"

"Down." REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BAD DAYS.

Another sign that people don't trust politicians "POLICE!"

"Now, I want you both to pretend you're in California " FAR MORE FUN ALTERNATIVE TO LIGHTS OUT'

"There are no strangers just friends I haven't borrowed money from." JUDGED LEAST-EFFECTIVE SELF-HELP COURSE: 2001

HOLISTIC MEDICINE We treat infectious greed - $3,000 per visit.

Animal husbandry "One minute I'm sloppin' mud down at the waller and the next minute THIS!"

"Gord. The results are in . I've taken a poll to see if we should sell B.C. Hydro and the consensus is:" "We shouldn't be in power."

Pittsburgh Stealers "Fortensky - you get the ball - I'll get the ref's watch and his wallet."

The dangers of being cryogenically frozen. "All right - who stuck the popsicle stick in the tank?"

Tour de Franz "I'm afraid you won't be back on NYPD Blue for a while, Dennis ... the germs are making the rounds of your curculatory system."

ARMY BARBER "All in favour of keeping it simple say Shears'" #1 JINGLE AT ARMY INDUCTION POSTS.

RESIGN you idiot!

George Brush "Well, he did say he was going to clean up Wall Street."