Harrop, Graham

"Remember saying that we were going to hell in a handbasket? Well, we can't afford a handbasket." GEORGE AND SHIRLEY'S CHRISTMAS BILLS BECOME DUE.
ASSESSING YOUR PROPERTY VALUE LOCAL SKYTRAIN STOP IS IN YOUR KITCHEN DEDUCT $50,000 SUNKEN LIVING ROOM SINKS ANOTHER 3" DEDUCT $25,000 YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW LIVING IN BASEMENT DEDUCT $30,000 FURNACE [...]
"How are the New Year's resolutions coming, Gord?" "Great! Listen to these!" "Number one: be a better leader. Number two: admit your mistakes. Number three: cut out all the b.s." "And number four: if [...]
COMING NEXT: The Gum-ery Commission Investigation into sub-standard dentures The Gam-ery Commission Esteemed judge dances Can Can The Glum-ery Commission Chretien forced to testify again
KWIK KWIZ: David Wilkins, U.S. Ambassador to Canada, has the President's ear and is currently: Persued by agents looking for its return. "Did someone say softwood lumber?" Still not able to hear any better. The butt of Hey! - Three ears!' jibes
Scenes from the boardroom Trump You're fired You're fired You're fired [...]
It IS possible to drop in on folks in Rosedale - Toronto's tony district - any time of the day or night for TEA! You will, however, be EVICTED!
Signs of Spring: Go slow Merge School no passing Low overhead Do not enter No left turn
HAPPY NEW YEAR DEATH TOLL CONTINUES TO RISE IN ASIA CANADIANS AMONG MISSING SHOULD AULD AQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT
"All right if anyone is taking up two seats on a bus, this mechanical hand comes down and grabs them by the collar" "The hand then travels along a guideway, picking up people with large backpacks [...]
"BOY! This crazy Canadian winter weather! Here it's warm and wonderful and where Aunt Hilda is it's either SNOW or BLIZZARD!" "Can we warm up your drink, Aunt Hilda?"
Christmas Notebook "Remember berating Ed because he was planning to re-gift us this year? Turns out it was an SUV." MISSING VEHICLES "Well, you should never have left your sleigh in the mall parking [...]
"WOW! I can't believe it! It's exactly what we wanted for Christmas!" HIGH DEFINITION PLASMA TV "We can spend the night here."
"All agreed? Starting tomorrow, these brand new $10 million state-of-the-art garbage bins will be in every lane and alley in VANCOUVER!" "Dangdest thing! Everybody throwing out the same silly plastic containers on the same day." CITY DUMP
To: Premier Gordon Campbell No Scrooge are you! You've gifts galore! You've bought us stuff From every store! One quibble, though (It does seem funny) You paid for things with our own money To: [...]
"Gary Collins is quitting! He's going to Harmony Airways!!" CABINET ROOM "He KNOWS something!" "We're going to lose the next election!" "It's only five months away!" "That's IT!" "We're going down to [...]
Fried chicken lover Sarah Gough - a Powell River B.C. resident consumes six or seven buckets of the fast food snack EACH and EVERY NIGHT! Never without the food, Sarah is able to fly to the nearest KFC and back in about TWO MINUTES!
Are you aware: UJJAL DOSANJH - Canada's Health Minister and former B.C. premier - is responsible for the well-being and vitality of millions of his countrymen! Sadly, Dosanjh has been unable to [...]
It's strange, but ... the NEW YORK POST has apologized for alleging a link between the mob and a former government cabinet minister, citing testimonials from Paul Little Paulie' Martin, Pierre Johnny Perm' Pettigrew and Ralph Eddie the purse' GOODALE!
Not generally known: PETER C. NEWMAN author of Here Be Dragons' came up with the title of his latest book after walking into the WOMEN'S WASHROOM!
CAROLYN PARRISH - Outspoken MP for Mississauga-Erindale - recently commented that certain people on Parliament Hill could 'GO TO HELL' and ... Six senators immediately signed up for the TRIP!
JUST IN Allegations that Judy Sgro helped an exotic dancer JUMP the immigration queue have been discounted as FALSE! SGgro now says that the dancer shimmied, swayed and SASHAYED her way to the front!
"Well, he's gone Paul! He's left Canada and he's on his way to the UNITED STATES!" TOMMY DOUGLAS IS GREATEST CANADIAN! "I didn't think that Don Cherry would take it so hard!"
"We want war relations" "Start with Laura. She's freezing!" "Strong ties" "I'll have Arnold send one up." "Freer trade" "Michael Moore for Carolyn Parrish" "Canadian beef" "You noticed I ordered the [...]
"There are no physicians in this town! They're either cutting back or RETIRING! Where can I find a DOCTOR?" SORRY! NO NEW PATIENTS "Something's wrong with that fellow!" Golf Course