Harrop, Graham

"And finally for us tonight, the National Enquirer, the U.S.tabloid, is opening up a two-person office in the city of Vancouver. Reasons for the move we're unclear.Enquirer editors could not be [...]
"Elsewhere in the news: Customs officals today seized a large number of counterfeit cigarettes from container vessels originating overseas. Officials say they become suspicious after noting that the [...]
"In other news, a computer bug, the so-called 'Blaster' Virus, was found today inside of ... "Click" "President George Bush who said that he would meet with his inner cabinet composed [...]
"And forest fires continued to rage over much of Canada today as the hot,dry weather persisted. In British Columbia, Premier Gorgon Campbell took a helicopter tour of the affected areas to view the [...]
"Good evening, I'm Ben Chin with the news. The first annual 'running of the bulls' took place today in Strathmore, Alberta under clear blue skie. Sources say that cattlemen were able to get two [...]
"H-I-S P-L-A-T-F-O-R-M"
"Further updates on the songs of yesterday.Cathy's clown has just retired after twenty-six years with Barnum and Bailey..."
"I can't believe I'm talking to the 'Little old lady from Pasadena'! in person! It's amazing how good you look!" "Face lift, fanny tuck, botox, liposuction...I've had 'em all." "And it's worked well?" "I've been dead for two years."
"Ladies and gentlemen...after all these years 'The little old lady from Pasadena!'" "Hi" "My goodness! You look amazing!" "Well, I've had a littlw work done...Nose job, liposuction, face lift, botox, fanny tuck." "and your stomach?" "It's in the shop."
"He had girls in Hong Kong, Berlin twon and in old Mexico! I'm talking with that 60's heart breaker: 'Travelin Man'!" "Well, I don't do much travelin' now...Mini Mart, Zellers, Foot doctor, that sort [...]
"Ever wonder what happened to people in songs from decades past? Tonight we show you! He had girls down in old Mexico, Hong Kong and Berlin town, please welcome 'Travelin' Man'!" "Howdy" "Thanks for being here!" "My wife let me out for an hour."
"It had extra postage on it so I walked it a couple of times around the block!"
"They want six more guys for that 'Raid' commercial...and you won't need a ride home!"
"Great! With interest rates so low we can finally afford our own home!! No more gouging landlords sucking out our life's blood every 30 days!" "Somebody at the door..."
"Still not working. I see...Waiting to win the lottery! I suppose ...I hope you're trating my daughter right...!" "That's right, Prime Minister...saying George Bush had a little beef with you really helped."
Vancouver Edition National Enquirer.
"More incursions by the public into West Vancouver, Gerald" "The sooner we finish the moat, the better!"
"Well, I guess that resolves the softwood lumber dispute."
"As Mayor of Toronto I am proud to present 'the Stones'...Mick, Keith,Ron,Charlie, and at their age, probably Kidney and Gall. I'm not saying they're old, but they'll only chase nurses if they're [...]
"Boys, thanks for coming to Toronto for the concert, I know the stones are very busy!" "Yer got that right. We had to leave Europe in the middle of the forty licks tour to come over for this! An [...]
"Boys, Mel Lastman..Mayor of Toronto.Thanks for helping the city get over this SARS thing!" "Mel Lastman!" "Cor! We've 'eard about you, mate...Yer bleedin' tantrums an theatrics!" "Yer jumpin' up [...]
"'ello? Is anybody'ere? It's us, the Rolling @!!*$!Stones! We 're 'ere for the big bleedin' concert to prove that Toronto is safe! Nobody 'ere" "Monkeypox,let's check the 'ospitals."
"Oi! Keith, Ronnie,Charlie! Wake up! We're 'ere in Toronto fer the bleedin' concert! We're 'ere to breave new life into the city...turn the page...clear the air and 'erald the start of an 'ole new [...]
"Give it a chance, mate...The flippin's bird will be good as new in a few minutes!"
"Wasn't it you who said that the squatters should leave...that it wasn't their property...that they had over-stayed their welcome?" "Get out of the pool, Harry!"