Peterson, Roy

IT'S HOCKEY NIGHT IN CANADA! Meanwhile, across the nation, millions of dormant citizens awoke from their strike-induced comas, to reclaim their natural destiny as vibrant, active Canadians. " .eh?"

GOVERNMENT SURPLUS PORK BARRELS! ONLY SLIGHTLY USED! IDEAL TAXPAYER APPAREL! Direct from our Ottawa overstocked warehouse! Available in natural wood tones or this fall's latest fashion statement: [...]

THE NEW 2006 NOVA SCOTIA PREMIER! "Think about it, Peter! Not a hybrid! Just a single seat! No back-seat drivers! Endless mileage for years to come!"

Two Solitudes One Broom

CANADIAN TAX BURDEN. ROYAL CANADIAN MINT PRESIDENT RESIGNS. DEFENDS MILLION $ EXPENSES OF CORPORATION. "You may be right it does seem lighter since David Dingwall resigned."

A Gouge Too Far

"Remember when we experimented' with pot just to rebel against our parents, babe?" "It was a generational thing, dear." "Wanna score some crystal meth?"

"But Premier Klein, how could you possible think we'd even consider dusting off the old National Energy Program monster?"

ONTARIO WILL BE HAVE-NOT PROVINCE BY 2010 SAYS ONTARIO CHAMBER OF COMMERCE. PLEASE HELP THE HAVE NOTS "The Prime Minister says he won't be coming around for some time. Does Madame prefer that the Rolls be left on idle in the meantime?"

TV EVANGELIST PAT ROBERTSON APOLOGIZES FOR SUGGESTING THE ASSASSINATION OF VENEZUELAN PRESIDENT HUGO CHAVEZ "Okay, so now we take him out the old-fashioned way! I whups him upside his head and shout [...]

FEDERAL GAS OVERTAXATION "Oh, don't mind me!"

Meanwhile, in a clandestine gathering, somewhere in the Rest of Canada' "To all Canadians living outside the Golden Triangle!" "As the next G-G might say: No more dominated people!'"

"Whatever they do at the Prime Minister's Office they do very well. They just don't know what they're doing all the time "

THANK YOU, SMOKEY

AAAARRRGGH "Isn't it wonderful to hear everyone cheering our surplus budget?" "Oh, that's just the screams of overtaxed Canadians "

GOD'S LITTLE HELPER "We exploded volcanoes of anger in your countries. To the British, I am telling you that Blair brought you destruction in the middle of London and more will come God willing." Ayman al-Zawahiri Al-Qaeda's No.2 thug

4 OF LAST 5 GOVERNORS GENERAL CAME FROM CBC "I'm sorry Ms. Jones, our Governor-General position has just been filled but can you do an impression of Don Cherry?"

INSPIRATION FOR DA VINCI'S INQUEST TV SERIES APPOINTED TO SENATE " and, as a former B.C. Chief Coroner, we hope that you will advise us on those senators who are still breathing "

TERRORISM Passing the Torch

EXHIBIT "A" POSSIBLE EVIDENCE THAT THE MYTHICAL SASQUATCH MAY EXIST. EXHIBIT "B" POSSIBLE EVIDENCE THAT THE MYTHICAL FEDERAL MINISTER OF LABOUR MAY NOT EXIST.

"New York, Iraq, Bali, Spain, London, Egypt usually, international travel BROADENS the mind."

Police arrest three in Canada/U.S. cross-border tunnel caper "POT" "POTHEADS" "POTHOLE" "POTLUCK"

CARRY ON REGARDLESS