Peterson, Roy

"If Toronto gets the Rolling Stones for a SARS concert, who does Alberta get for a mad cow disease concert?" "Meat Loaf?" CANADIAN GOVERNMENT BOOKING AGENCY

[The loonie coin depicted as a bird followed by chicks represented by pennies]

THE SHEILA COPPS CANADIAN EARLY WARNING MISSILE DEFENSE PLAN

"Paul Martin says he'll travel to the West more often." Y'see byes? He's not even Prime Minister yet and he's already ignoring Newfoundland!"

CONTINENTAL MISSILE DEFENCE SYSTEM "Legacy-schmegacy, I'm outta here either way "

LOONIE SURGES. MAY HURT EXPORT PROFITS. "This is going to affect our economy " MORE BANG FOR YOUR BUCK

ROUND ONE - VOTE ME. THE CONTENDER

" on second thought, Toronto IS finally being considered world class " WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION TELLS WORLD TO AVOID TORONTO. SARS ADVISORY STUNS CITY

SECOND SERIES BEGINS!

"But it not only ignores poutine and Pepsi, now it votes Liberal and uses my Rene Levesque bobblehead doll as a chew toy!" FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE THOUSAND POUND GORILLA.

December 17, 1903. The Wright Brothers achieve powered, controlled, free flight. April 30, 2003. Air Canada achieves taxed, surcharged, frequent flyer flight. "SO! Y'WANNA FREE FLIGHT? FLY A KITE!"

"Now then who DO I want to visit?"

"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings: Behold all my works, ye mighty, and despair!" Nothing beside remains. Round the decay Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare The lone and level sands stretch far away. OZYMANDIAS (excerpt) PERCY BYSSHE SHELLEY

"It says here that organized patrols are now occupying key positions in the central area of the city." "Basra or Baghdad?" "The Downtown Eastside."

WALKMAN FOR UPDATES ON FLIGHT CANCELLATION. READING MATERIAL FOR LONG CHECK-IN LINES. KEVLAR T-SHIRT. WAR SURPLUS MRE LUNCHBOX AND COMPLIMENTARY NOSEBAG FOR NO FRILLS FLIGHTS. CLEAN UNDERSHORTS WITH [...]

BANKRUPTCY PROTECTION Air Canada Logo Update

"I wonder if he's still alive?"

"A Frenchman named Jacques Chirac, Once vetoed an attack on Iraq. But Iraq got whacked, so he said through the flak: "Don't veto my oil contracts!"

" AND I DON'T CARE IF Y'DISLIKE ME REALLY, REALLY DISLIKE ME!" BEST PRODUCER OF A BIG BUDGET, INDEPENDENT PRODUCTION USING A QUESTIONABLE SCRIPT.

"But I volunteered to guard a day-care centre " "Close enough! I'M a day-to-day-care centre!"

CIRQUE DU LANDRY

"NAUGHTY NAUGHTY! DISARM DISARM! TALK TALK TALK" HIS MASTER'S VOICE

IRAQ SADDAM HUSSEIN PROPRIETOR. BAILIFF'S NOTICE OF SEIZURE. REGIME CHANGE EVENT OF THE YEAR. OFFICIAL NOTICE CHANGE OF LOCKS DO NOT CROSS. SADDAM SUPER SATURATION SALE. MONSTER GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE FINAL DAYS!

"Who's going to be next?" "SIGH " CHRETIEN SURPRISED' BY U.S. TALK OF REGIME CHANGE PM OPPOSES REMOVING SADDAM