Raeside, Adrian

"They can't go back to school without DKNY shirts, Nike jackets, Reebok runners...What happened to the simple apple for the teacher?" "$16.95" "We'll take two."

Q: How do you start a small, low-profit business in B.C.? A: Start a large, prosperous business and let the NDP do the rest.

"George and I just went on a fabulous cruise. We saw orca whales, seals, eagles, soaring cliffs, peaceful inlets..." "Wow! What did that cost?" "About 15 bucks."

How B.C. Ferries figures out what to charge you to transport you and your vehicle to the mainland... "Passengers bound for Tsawwassen are advised there is now a four sailing wait."

"I wish to register a strong protest against cell phone towers. My children could be exposed to harmful radiation."

"The ruble is worthless, the stock market collapsed, I'm blamed for the failed economy and parliament wants to tear me to pieces. What should I do?" "Bomb Afghanistan."

The World, The Canadian Dollar

"By cutting back on health care programs like homemaker services, your government is hurting the sick and elderly....People who are powerless to fight these cuts!" "Exactly."

"Quit your whining Cratchit and count yourself lucky you aren't a woman working for the Canadian federal government."

3 Warning signs that your co-worker may be insane: "I may look like a data entry clerk, but I am actually a brain gobbler from planet Zog." "JFK is redecorating my basement in rubber." "David Anderson is doing a terrific job of managing our fishery."

"This is a stickup! Hand over your wallet and all your cash!" "But I'm a Canadian tourist!" "Oh...Well in that case, just hand over your wallet."

"Too bad she wasn't on my grand jury."

Crisis in the White House scenario 'B'-Hillary finally has enough and leaves Bill. Monica moves in with Bill. Al Gore finally has enough and leaves Bill. Monica catches Bill in the arms of Linda [...]

Terrorist Funding

"You're so fortunate to be diagnosed with cancer here in the United States! If you lived on Vancouver Island, the expense could bankrupt you. The cost of travelling to the mainland, for treatment, the cost of accommodation for you and your family..."

In the aftermath of a global thermonuclear war, only two lifeforms will survive: "It's all an underhanded federal delaying tactic."

"In world war two, I was in the first wave on D-day. I spent the rest of the war fighting across Europe. When I came home, the only job I could find was in an asbestos mine, where I worked for 20 [...]

"I can't get rid of this nagging feeling I left something back at the house." Clinton's lies

Future Nisga'a Legends "...And after the treaty was signed, a horrible white man's plague descended on our people, causing great misery and hardship." "Ohmigosh! Smallpox? Cholera?" "Revenue Canada."

"...It was the Viagra."

On the 3rd day, God created trees. On the 4th day, some idiot walked into it. On the 5th day, God was slapped with a frivolous lawsuit for reckless negligence.

[Reform Party depicted as a pig]

["Asian crisis; Stock market; Wall St."]

Q: With the bewildering array of new fishery closures in B.C. what does it now take to catch a Canadian salmon? A: U.S. citizenship.