Uluschak, Edd

REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION: HAWKS DOVES
"I realized I needed help as soon as the politicians began to make sense to me!"
"I wonder if they'd consider extending Klondike Days to three weeks next year?"
"Ever notice how everyone in the parking lot seems to have a Volkswagen when you're trying to find yours?"
"I see you talked daddy into taking you on that wild roller coaster ride!"
POSTAL STRIKE BEGINS: "Just think, no more bills in the mail... No more mail boxes full of advertising... No more welfare cheques...NO MORE WELFARE CHEQUES!"
GUN CONTROL IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL: GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE- PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE. "Keep up the good work pal!"
"The fact that Trudeau wanted Cabinet secrecy explains why he didn't appoint any women to it!"
"I'm afraid a loan for divorce could not be classified as a 'home improvement' loan!"
"Mildew, did you, by any chance, lead mother to believe that your can of mace was a new brand of deoderant?"
"You must appreciate the hospital's position-- we have to cut corner's somewhere!"
"Remember last year when you absent-mindedly shaved off your Klondike beard two days before the contest?"
"I'm afraid my conscience cannot permit me to wage all-out chemical and biological warfare on the unsuspecting cucumber beetle!"
"Sorry to disappoint you fellows, but I'm not a prospective heart donor-- I've just got a broken rib!"
"That's it- go ahead, egg it on!"
"Nimrod was very moved by the anti-gun editorial the TV station gave until they said "stay tuned for Garrison's Gorillas, followed by the Untouchables, and our late movie Bonnie and Clyde!"
"If you're planning to wear that this summer, just remember that mental cruelty is now grounds for divorce!"
[Charles de Gaulle, Georges Pompidou]
"Now. Now Dad, you wouldn't want me to grow up into a Wallace or a Reagan, would you?"
"What do you mean I have 15 days to remove these noxious weeds or I'm liable for a fine? These happen to be my prize begonias!"
VOTE
"New of an agreement of sorts from the Paris peace talks. After a six hour talk, both sides finally agreed on corned beef on rye for lunch!"
POLITICAL HATE LITERATURE
"Would you mind repeating those promises again-- I'd like to add them to the ones you made last time!"
"Lucius is still undecided as to whom he will vote for-- he can't make up his mind which party he wants his money squandered by!"