Uluschak, Edd

ALCB HAS PROFIT OF $38 MILLION "Hic" says unusually reliable source "Is this the thanks I get for being one of the major contributors to Alberta's economic well being?"
"Better save one tray of ice to use in the ice bag tomorrow!"
"I've just discovered either an early arrival for our New Year's Eve party or a left-over from our Christmas party!"
"This year we decided to buy Junior only toys that were unbreakable-- unfortunately nothing else in the house was!"
"O.K. soldier, you'll be glad to know that taking this @*!?*@*! hill has improved Saigon's chances of changing the peace talks table in Paris!"
"...So when Ehor demanded to be paid what's he's worth, his boss said he'd be pleased to but Alberta has a minimum wage law!"
"Would you like these gift-wrapped or did you want to drive them home?"
"Does this mean we can't depend on your support for your candidate?"
"I for one am quite optimistic about the prospects of an Omniplex being built in our city-- but then, I'm from Calgary!"
"These latest dolls are so life-like that you have to sign adoption papers before you purchase one!"
"Yes I'm sure I'm not an M.P.--now may I have a dime?"
"No we're not home yet, Mildew-- we're still in the department store!"
"Coffee, tea, or anthrax anti-toxin?" U.S. ADMITS SHIPPING GERM WARFARE AGENTS ON REGULAR AIRLINES
"Are you Protestant or Catholic, then?"
"May I offer a suggestion before...cough, cough...we proceed with our..gasp...investigation into the hazards of...smoking!"
"I hope this doesn't mean that I get one of those silly ol' demerits?" NEWS ITEM: TAYLOR SUGGESTS DEMERIT SYSTEM FOR TRAFFFIC VIOLATIONS
"Thank goodness you people ended your strike-- we'd like the bar converted back into a cellar!"
"Say, that's great! Exams and marks are the only things that I do badly in at school!" SCHOOL BOARD ADOPTS REPORT CARDS WITHOUT MARKS
"According to this your English is hopeless and deplorable! What do you want to do-- grow up to be a sportscaster?
"What do you mean 'I should present a brief to the Federal Housing Task Force?' I AM from the Task Force, here to investigate the housing shortage!"
"You are charged with singing in a beverage room! What do you think this is-- the twentieth century?"
"All this talk about a guaranteed income- it's bound to kill initiative!"
PEACE TALKS. TACKS.
"You can come out now, Enoch, they weren't investigators from the unemployment insurance commission--just the census takers!"
"...But then, if you want a MOTOR included..."