Uluschak, Edd

TRANSIT MEN REJECT CITY'S 'FINAL' OFFER "Stop your crying - daddy is just trying it out in case the bus drivers DO go on strike!"
"It's the last word in an anti-pollution device on cars - no motor!"
MORE U.S. TROOPS PULLED OUT OF VIETNAM U.S. TROOPS SUFFER LOSSES IN CLASH WITH VIET CONG "I must say I find Washington's plan for U.S. troop reduction more appealing than the Viet Cong's!"
"You're new here, aren't you?"
"He may never have had any jokes banned by the ALCB but they once threatened to wash out his microphone with soap!"
ASTRONAUTS CONTINUE STAY IN QUARANTINE CHAMBER "You'd think exposure to our polluted air and water would have finished off any moon organisms by now!"
"And he's the one that had aspirations of becoming an astronaut!"
"Careful Abdul, it could be an Israeli trick!"
"Sorry, we only take cash bets - besides, what would I do with a sweet bippy?"
"I guess it's not bad gas mileage - I usually manage to get past one triple-trailer unit per tankful!"
"Chester is quite determined to get rid of the crab-grass once and for all!"
Federal-Provincial Wildlife Conference July 8,9,10 "I'm behind you fellows all the way. We must conserve our dwindling wild life which has been reduced mainly to Friday and Saturday nights!"
"It'll cost you a mere $10.8 billion to play, folks!"
News Item: WOMAN, THREE MEN HIJACK AIRLINER "... a little more speed ... watch out for those geese ... you're losing altitude ... turn left at Havana ...."
"Ivan's renovating his den before the kids get out of school for the summer!"
IRON WORKERS TO RECEIVE $10.33 AN HOUR "But no, you couldn't be a school drop-out, had to be smart and become a university professor!"
"After an exhausting day looking I finally found a summer job - you start at 7:00 a.m. tomorrow, Mom!"
ANTI-MOSQUITO PILL BEING DEVELOPED "How on earth are you supposed to get the mosquito to take it?"
"What do you mean we should water the streets today - it doesn't even look like rain!"
HOUSING DISCRIMINATION AGAINST NATIVE PEOPLE CHARGED "Honest, we're not Natives - we've just got sun-burns!"
"These folks appear to be encountering some difficulty in weeding all of those pesky flowers out of their weed patch!"
BEEF PRICES SKYROCKET 20% IN EDMONTON "Holy Cow" says public "I'm not getting a second job just because you want hamburger - so like it or not, we're becoming vegetarians!"
"Stop grumbling about the bus strike and save your breath - you've got 8 more blocks to go!"
FAMILY ALLOWANCES MAY BE CUT "Does that mean I'll have to come out of retirement and find a job?"
"By the way, I cleaned up that mess of dirt and rocks you had lying around!"